Forgiveness

His face is bright red. I try to ignore the sounds of his cry as he throws his head from side to side.  I am trying to move as fast as I can, but he is strong and his nostrils are so tiny. I hold his head in my hands and he is mad. I stick the blue thing in his nostril and he gets angrier, there is a change in his cries and in the strength in which he throws himself around.

“I am just trying to help,” that thought bounces around my brain as I wonder how many mothers before me have used those exact words with their babies, toddlers, teens and adult children. And then I am done, he can breathe easily again. The crying ceases immediately. His  skin goes from cherry red to silky white. He looks up at me and within seconds he is smiling at me, his coos are loud and solid. He keeps going till I smile back and then as we have a conversation of what just happened, he forgives me and moves on to his toes, the toy of the moment.  I’m amazed it has taken him less than 10 seconds from crazy intense emotion to happiness.  

                                                    crying baby Kol

                                                 laughing baby Kol

 If only I can bottle that up. Save it for him so when he is older I can show him how easy it used to be to forgive. What a wonder to have someone do something you do not like and then be over it so fast that it leaves no mark on your memory, no mark on your heart.  As we grow in life it seems to take us longer and longer to forgive. I see my sister’s children get upset, they hold onto the feeling longer than my baby but after awhile they are easily distracted and they move on. And then we are teenagers, we can harbor pain and resentment for weeks/months/years.  I believe that our hormones and changes in our bodies all contribute to the way we prolong forgiveness for what seems like an eternity--especially to our mothers. By the time we start to come into our true selves, by the time we start to figure out who we really are, we have forgotten how to forgive easily.

Imagine if we moved on like our babies move on, if we could somehow remember what it feels like to forgive easily. To know it’s ok to make your feelings heard but then to smile just as quickly. To let your spouse,  parents, and friends know within minutes of being angry with them that everything will be ok, that you will not be holding a grudge, and that you still love them.  Imagine how freeing that would be!

In Flight

      Most people I know have a ritual when it comes to flying. I used to have one. I always wore very comfortable clothes just in case I wanted to stretch or sleep. I always brought my ipod, a magazine and a good book (for options of course!), and without fail there was my bag of treats. At 10,000 feet above ground my sweet tooth always seemed to activate so I usually brought an abundance of goodies. All those lovely accessories fit beautifully in my perfectly-sized-stylish-travel-bag.

     Then life changes, the magazine gets replaced by "Goodnight Moon", the book becomes a sleep training book, and who has room for a bag of candy when there are diapers, wipes, and changes of clothing that need space in your diaper bag? Oh, did I forget to mention there is no more perfectly-sized-stylish-travel-bag, just nicely designed diaper bags (Thank you Jonathan Adler--he made a line for skip hop.) 

     Recently,  we took our first trip on an airplane with our baby. The idea of flying with a child was so nerve racking I called all of my friends to discuss their experiences of flying with their children of all ages.  I got mostly decent reviews and all liked to add "but don't worry, Kol is at a great age to travel, you can always just feed him if he's crying". Little do they know how active my darling five month old is, if there is action in any form Kol's head is whipping around back and forth to see what is going on.

     There is a TV show called "Up All Night". It is one of my favorite shows of the moment and is about a couple dealing with life after having their first child. In one of the episodes, they experience the challenges of flying with said baby. While watching the show I was laughing so hard tears came to my eyes. Needless to say I watched this show before I found out we had to fly with Kol, otherwise the tears might have been from crying.  In the episode, the mother decides the only way to make it through the craziness of flying with a baby is if they follow the plan she creates for them. At all costs she must stick to the plan and then their flight will go smoothly.  Of course nothing works out as planned!  The show inspired me to have a plan before we started our trip, and then I figured if it would all go to hell, if things did not work as I planned,  i.e. crazy lines at security, baby crying a lot,  I would not be so stressed out.

     I over thought everything and so the stress built up. Then the deadline came and we got ready to leave on our trip. At the airport everything went smoothly until...we boarded the plane, took our seats, settled in and waited, and waited, and waited.  And there it was, our flight was delayed. My perfect feeding time was about to become a problem. We were delayed an hour, I couldn't starve my child but Kol does not just eat cuz the food's there. I decided to feed him on one side so he calmed down and then I waited until we took off to feed him on the other side. All the scary flying-with-a-baby thoughts and anxiety were for nothing.  My baby boy Moshe Kol was the most well behaved child on that flight!  He did not cry once! He cooed and played and laughed with me, with his father, with the one year old across the aisle. He sat in his chair and played so we could get some reading in (yes I snuck my novel into the diaper bag at the last moment).  Kol slept for a 2 1/2 hour nap, I think the sound of the engine were very calming, and you can be sure there is a sound machine in my Amazon cart as I type this. After all the days of being nervous and planning, and all the anxiety,  Kol was an angel!  We could not have asked for a better, more relaxed flight!

                                                   Making faces with Daddy.
                                                

    

                                                        chilling while I read

                                          



 I flew back to LA last night; it's been 2 1/2 weeks since we got to NYC. It is amazing how much a child can grow in such a short amount of time. Since we left Los Angeles, Kol has started scooching forward. He can get to a toy across the room. He gets up on all fours and lunges himself forward happily banging his head against the floor in his determination to get to whatever object catches his fancy in that moment. 

     I flew home with my baby brother Cobe as Dov had to go home early, and I was thankful to get on Cobe's flight. The idea of flying alone with Kol was too frightful. I was not lucky enough to get an extra seat the second time around and Virgin America's leg room seemed to have shrunk since the last time I flew on that airline. Cobe sat at the window, I sat next to him in the middle, and a sweet 14 year old girl with the biggest lady bug Pillow Pet sat next to me in the aisle seat. The lady bug print was bright red with black polka dots. The first hour of the flight Kol squealed as loud as he could and kept twisting his body to grab the pillow. After the first 3 attempts at holding him back I let him grab the furry pillow and try to pull it as much as he wanted. The girl was kind and let him play with it until he fell asleep. And then by the grace of g-d Kol slept for the rest of the flight. He slept on me for 4 hours straight and halfway through I could not feel anything from the waist down, but it was quiet, and peaceful. I got to doze on and off and watch a little TV, a simple pleasure I can't seem to find time for these days. I tried to force Kol to eat while we were landing but in his sleep he insisted on throwing his head back and continued to sleep with his ever-hopeful expression. His eyes opened as we landed and he looked curiously about, observing the people and the airport happenings.

                                         Cobe giving me a much needed break



     Finally, after a happy reunion with his dad, our little seasoned Jet-setter settled in his crib and I went out to have a much needed Jacuzzi dip for my aching limbs, a definite addition to my Flying Ritual list.

iHeart

Nail polish has always been one of my favorite beauty products! When I graduated from 8th
Grade one of my dear friends gave me 3 nail polish bottles for my graduation. The colors of the nail polish were blue, green and purple. The summer of 1996 I did my nails every other day. I just could not decide which color I liked best so, on an average week I had all 3 colors on my nails at some point during that week.

Since I am older, wiser and busier I do not have time to spend constantly changing my nail polish color. Yet, the idea of having the colors of the rainbow on my digits still excite me.  This summer I decided to stick with one color. Orange/Coral nail polish is the color of my choice for the summer of 2012.



                                                                                                 


OPI 's Cajun Shrimp is hands down my favorite Coral polish. This color is the perfect blend of color and brightness. You can purchase it and bring it with you to your favorite nail salon or you can probably just find it at your local  salon since Cajun Shrimp is a popular color.
                        

                                                             
For a more cost efficient approach you can go with Sally Hansen Xtreme wear in Sun Kissed. This nail polish option is more Orange then Coral, it is a lovely color choice for the summer and looks very pretty on toes in flip flops.

                                                            

This last color, Essie nail polish in Cantaloupe has been one of my summer favorites for the past 10 years. The softness of it's hue and the fact that this color is peach makes this nail polish wearable for most skin tones.

Whichever shade you choose know that all of these colors look lovely with a sweet summer dress or with your favorite new swim suite. Happy pickings!