Monday, June 10, 2013

Forced Outlet

I tried to force a blog yesterday. It was about balancing life and work and family. I was forcing it because I have not written a blog in about 5 months and I really wanted to put something out there. I had originally told myself I would write one blog per month and if I had extra time or the writing bug hit me I would write more.  So after 5 months of being a complete slacker when it came to writing and then constantly seeing all these half written and half ass blog ideas on the notes pages of my iphone I decided to put something to paper computer and get it out there.

So I forced it.  I took a paragraph from one blog idea and mashed it with a paragraph from another. I took random pictures that had nothing to do with my words and shmushed them in between the paragraphs so my friends and family would not be as bored as I was reading the damn thing.  I added some new ideas but most of it was a confused work of writing from thoughts I had 3, 4, 5 months ago and the feelings were not the same anymore. How was I even trying to write about going to work for the first time after having a baby and my world being turned upside down and dealing with that.  I dealt with that! I have been there, I have done that. I figured out how to make the wheels of my home/life spin again even if I am not there every minute of every day. That's not where I am at and yet I was trying to recreate the feelings for the sake of writing something...anything.

The real question is why am I feeling the need to force writing?!?!  Writing is my extra curricular activity.  It is pure pleasure for me! I get no monetary reward I get no publishing credits, it is supposed to be a fun outlet.  And then I figured it out...well it was not all that is more like a- and then 5 months later I figured it out.  I have forgotten to give myself an outlet.  I have figured out my work life into my home life. I have figured out how to stay on top of my work schedule I get paid for and how to stay on top of my other work projects I will hopefully one day get paid for.  I have figured out how to go from working for quite a few hours and coming straight home to Kol, doing dinner, bath, bed all with a great attitude and a lot of love (most nights - lets be realistic I am human here!) And I have figured out how to, somehow between all the work and mothering, get a healthy homemade dinner ready for my husband and I to sit down and enjoy together on most nights (once again - human here.) 

But, then I realized I forgot to schedule in some me "outlet" time.  I have not gotten my nails done in months, I have not had a girls night out in a while and though I have been usually good about doing some cardio bar in the mornings a couple days a week I have skipped it all this week and half of last.  So instead of those 'luxurious' activities, I decided to try to force a blog.  And though it wasn't great, aside from the title - "The ultimate balancing act"- it was good for me to see what I am missing in my perfectly  almost-perfectly-still-human run household.  And so I will be heading out in 20 minutes to drinks with my girlfriends.  I already feel my shoulders relaxing. Namaste!

                                                    Drinks on the town wearing m.r.s