Forgiveness

His face is bright red. I try to ignore the sounds of his cry as he throws his head from side to side.  I am trying to move as fast as I can, but he is strong and his nostrils are so tiny. I hold his head in my hands and he is mad. I stick the blue thing in his nostril and he gets angrier, there is a change in his cries and in the strength in which he throws himself around.

“I am just trying to help,” that thought bounces around my brain as I wonder how many mothers before me have used those exact words with their babies, toddlers, teens and adult children. And then I am done, he can breathe easily again. The crying ceases immediately. His  skin goes from cherry red to silky white. He looks up at me and within seconds he is smiling at me, his coos are loud and solid. He keeps going till I smile back and then as we have a conversation of what just happened, he forgives me and moves on to his toes, the toy of the moment.  I’m amazed it has taken him less than 10 seconds from crazy intense emotion to happiness.  

                                                    crying baby Kol

                                                 laughing baby Kol

 If only I can bottle that up. Save it for him so when he is older I can show him how easy it used to be to forgive. What a wonder to have someone do something you do not like and then be over it so fast that it leaves no mark on your memory, no mark on your heart.  As we grow in life it seems to take us longer and longer to forgive. I see my sister’s children get upset, they hold onto the feeling longer than my baby but after awhile they are easily distracted and they move on. And then we are teenagers, we can harbor pain and resentment for weeks/months/years.  I believe that our hormones and changes in our bodies all contribute to the way we prolong forgiveness for what seems like an eternity--especially to our mothers. By the time we start to come into our true selves, by the time we start to figure out who we really are, we have forgotten how to forgive easily.

Imagine if we moved on like our babies move on, if we could somehow remember what it feels like to forgive easily. To know it’s ok to make your feelings heard but then to smile just as quickly. To let your spouse,  parents, and friends know within minutes of being angry with them that everything will be ok, that you will not be holding a grudge, and that you still love them.  Imagine how freeing that would be!

In Flight

      Most people I know have a ritual when it comes to flying. I used to have one. I always wore very comfortable clothes just in case I wanted to stretch or sleep. I always brought my ipod, a magazine and a good book (for options of course!), and without fail there was my bag of treats. At 10,000 feet above ground my sweet tooth always seemed to activate so I usually brought an abundance of goodies. All those lovely accessories fit beautifully in my perfectly-sized-stylish-travel-bag.

     Then life changes, the magazine gets replaced by "Goodnight Moon", the book becomes a sleep training book, and who has room for a bag of candy when there are diapers, wipes, and changes of clothing that need space in your diaper bag? Oh, did I forget to mention there is no more perfectly-sized-stylish-travel-bag, just nicely designed diaper bags (Thank you Jonathan Adler--he made a line for skip hop.) 

     Recently,  we took our first trip on an airplane with our baby. The idea of flying with a child was so nerve racking I called all of my friends to discuss their experiences of flying with their children of all ages.  I got mostly decent reviews and all liked to add "but don't worry, Kol is at a great age to travel, you can always just feed him if he's crying". Little do they know how active my darling five month old is, if there is action in any form Kol's head is whipping around back and forth to see what is going on.

     There is a TV show called "Up All Night". It is one of my favorite shows of the moment and is about a couple dealing with life after having their first child. In one of the episodes, they experience the challenges of flying with said baby. While watching the show I was laughing so hard tears came to my eyes. Needless to say I watched this show before I found out we had to fly with Kol, otherwise the tears might have been from crying.  In the episode, the mother decides the only way to make it through the craziness of flying with a baby is if they follow the plan she creates for them. At all costs she must stick to the plan and then their flight will go smoothly.  Of course nothing works out as planned!  The show inspired me to have a plan before we started our trip, and then I figured if it would all go to hell, if things did not work as I planned,  i.e. crazy lines at security, baby crying a lot,  I would not be so stressed out.

     I over thought everything and so the stress built up. Then the deadline came and we got ready to leave on our trip. At the airport everything went smoothly until...we boarded the plane, took our seats, settled in and waited, and waited, and waited.  And there it was, our flight was delayed. My perfect feeding time was about to become a problem. We were delayed an hour, I couldn't starve my child but Kol does not just eat cuz the food's there. I decided to feed him on one side so he calmed down and then I waited until we took off to feed him on the other side. All the scary flying-with-a-baby thoughts and anxiety were for nothing.  My baby boy Moshe Kol was the most well behaved child on that flight!  He did not cry once! He cooed and played and laughed with me, with his father, with the one year old across the aisle. He sat in his chair and played so we could get some reading in (yes I snuck my novel into the diaper bag at the last moment).  Kol slept for a 2 1/2 hour nap, I think the sound of the engine were very calming, and you can be sure there is a sound machine in my Amazon cart as I type this. After all the days of being nervous and planning, and all the anxiety,  Kol was an angel!  We could not have asked for a better, more relaxed flight!

                                                   Making faces with Daddy.
                                                

    

                                                        chilling while I read

                                          



 I flew back to LA last night; it's been 2 1/2 weeks since we got to NYC. It is amazing how much a child can grow in such a short amount of time. Since we left Los Angeles, Kol has started scooching forward. He can get to a toy across the room. He gets up on all fours and lunges himself forward happily banging his head against the floor in his determination to get to whatever object catches his fancy in that moment. 

     I flew home with my baby brother Cobe as Dov had to go home early, and I was thankful to get on Cobe's flight. The idea of flying alone with Kol was too frightful. I was not lucky enough to get an extra seat the second time around and Virgin America's leg room seemed to have shrunk since the last time I flew on that airline. Cobe sat at the window, I sat next to him in the middle, and a sweet 14 year old girl with the biggest lady bug Pillow Pet sat next to me in the aisle seat. The lady bug print was bright red with black polka dots. The first hour of the flight Kol squealed as loud as he could and kept twisting his body to grab the pillow. After the first 3 attempts at holding him back I let him grab the furry pillow and try to pull it as much as he wanted. The girl was kind and let him play with it until he fell asleep. And then by the grace of g-d Kol slept for the rest of the flight. He slept on me for 4 hours straight and halfway through I could not feel anything from the waist down, but it was quiet, and peaceful. I got to doze on and off and watch a little TV, a simple pleasure I can't seem to find time for these days. I tried to force Kol to eat while we were landing but in his sleep he insisted on throwing his head back and continued to sleep with his ever-hopeful expression. His eyes opened as we landed and he looked curiously about, observing the people and the airport happenings.

                                         Cobe giving me a much needed break



     Finally, after a happy reunion with his dad, our little seasoned Jet-setter settled in his crib and I went out to have a much needed Jacuzzi dip for my aching limbs, a definite addition to my Flying Ritual list.

iHeart

Nail polish has always been one of my favorite beauty products! When I graduated from 8th
Grade one of my dear friends gave me 3 nail polish bottles for my graduation. The colors of the nail polish were blue, green and purple. The summer of 1996 I did my nails every other day. I just could not decide which color I liked best so, on an average week I had all 3 colors on my nails at some point during that week.

Since I am older, wiser and busier I do not have time to spend constantly changing my nail polish color. Yet, the idea of having the colors of the rainbow on my digits still excite me.  This summer I decided to stick with one color. Orange/Coral nail polish is the color of my choice for the summer of 2012.



                                                                                                 


OPI 's Cajun Shrimp is hands down my favorite Coral polish. This color is the perfect blend of color and brightness. You can purchase it and bring it with you to your favorite nail salon or you can probably just find it at your local  salon since Cajun Shrimp is a popular color.
                        

                                                             
For a more cost efficient approach you can go with Sally Hansen Xtreme wear in Sun Kissed. This nail polish option is more Orange then Coral, it is a lovely color choice for the summer and looks very pretty on toes in flip flops.

                                                            

This last color, Essie nail polish in Cantaloupe has been one of my summer favorites for the past 10 years. The softness of it's hue and the fact that this color is peach makes this nail polish wearable for most skin tones.

Whichever shade you choose know that all of these colors look lovely with a sweet summer dress or with your favorite new swim suite. Happy pickings!


                   

Shop My Closet

     At this point in time I have not worn any of my real clothes for almost a year. I have a 3 month old, and I was pregnant for 9 months before that (technically 10 but who’s counting...umm I definitely was).  I felt good in my pregnancy clothes. Everything I wore, whether it was jeans and a t-shirt or a pretty black dress, was accessorized by my baby bump. It was round and cute. It didn’t really matter if I was up on the newest fashion because baby bumps are always in fashion..just read your current US Weekly if you don’t believe me.  So now it’s 3 months post-delivery and I have been getting away with my one pair of jeans, one stretchy skirt, and 2 t-shirts that I wear daily. (We won’t even talk about my shoe situation.)  
    
     Today I decided enough is enough. I am a cute just-turned-30 yr. old new mother, who loves all things beauty and fashion and I need to start enjoying getting dressed again like I used to. There was one minor bump in this new revelation. (See what I did there?) All my clothes were pre-pregnancy which means they were basically a year old, plus, I don’t exactly have the budget for a new wardrobe. Since giving birth, I have bought exactly one lime green sweater from Target and one summer type belt from Forever 21. Armed with my 2 new pieces, I decided to re-evaluate my wardrobe.  As Kol napped and I once again decided to forgo a nap against my better judgement, I got to work, taking every last piece of clothing out of my closet, drawers and storage boxes. I tried on every piece. Whatever did not fit or I didn’t like anymore went in the giveaway bags.  All of my dresses that were not conducive to nursing nor good for a date night with the hubby, went into my closet in the guest bedroom. I tried on dresses with sweaters, put tops and scarves together and skirts with some blouses.  I made sure to pop my boobs out of every dress to make sure I can nurse while wearing said dress before it went back into my closet. It’s amazing what a new (and old) sweater and new belt can do to your wardrobe. Voila, my new summer of 2012 closet of the new nursing (just-turned-30) mother of one adorable little boy.


Below are a couple of outfits I plan on wearing this summer.

                                         
Websites to shop:
Sam Edelman
Target
Forever 21
MICHAEL Michael Kors 
Brandy Melville
Karen Michelle
Gap 

 written during week 12

30 is the new 29

     I am 30...wow, I am really 30!  And Mother’s Day was only a day away from my birthday.  It is the first year I am celebrating Mother’s Day as a mom, as I enter a new decade. These two major marks in my life coinciding seem to be synchronicity.  I have always loved my birthday-- I usually celebrate the month, if that gives any indication on how I feel about my special day. While most women do not talk about their age and dislike getting older I love the years being added to my life.  As you age there is so much more in life that you get to experience and appreciate.

     
     I learned the beauty of age and the loveliness of Mother’s Day from my grandmother Bubby Martha. A friend of hers once asked my age and when I replied, she looked at me longingly and proclaimed that she wished she could be 19 again. My grandmother made a face and said, I would NOT want to be 19 again, I am happy to be 83 years old. The thought that someone was happy to be so old made such an impression on me. From then on I celebrate every birthday and am always proud to tell anyone who asks my age. I also remember as a child we would always go to my grandmother’s for Mother’s Day. Bubby Martha loved the special day.  She loved her grandchildren coming over to play baseball in her backyard.  She would always come out and pitch for us, even in her glamorous pantsuits and face full of make up!  After, we would all go inside and enjoy her famous tuna sandwiches (with shredded carrots inside...so delicious!)  She would always tell me (even when I was really little) that she felt like she had 3 lives, one when she was a girl, one when she got married and had children, and one after my grandfather passed away and she was single again.  Bubby Martha always made sure to let me know how much she loved and enjoyed each of her “lives” , each one was unique and she cherished them all.  

30 is a new decade. It is a new place in life where you are considered a full-on grown up. 
     
      My 20’s were all about partying. They were about where we were going to go and who we were going to meet.  And in my 20’s I fell in love, with the love of my life, I married and started my “second” life.  Even though I was a grown, married woman I still allowed people to dictate how I felt by their actions. I gave power to other people to hurt me, I gave them power by caring what they thought and caring what they said...even if I knew that they did not have my best interest at heart.  

     
     Now I am 30, I am a wife and this Mother’s day I am a mother. The growth and joy of my little boy weigh on my thoughts.  It is up to me to guide him in the right direction.  I must show him the path to happiness, to love, and to all that is good.  I want to teach him that he must first love himself and then he will be able to love others (this is a trait that my parents successfully taught all 11 of my siblings and me) and love the world that he will one day create for himself. I truly hope he will be able to learn through example.  So on this Mother’s day and 30th birthday of mine I am making a commitment to grow stronger in my life.  I will continue creating my life for me and the ones I love. I will take responsibility for my feelings and I will be more careful of who I let into my precious world, because in this new world, in this new life I am now responsible for another life besides my own.  

                                                 {mother's day breakfast on the porch}

                                                                   {gift from Kol}

 

                     To start the decade off right I threw my own 30th birthday party. Since I was born in 1982 I felt it was apropo to throw an 80’s themed party.  I love to dress up!  Lucky for me, my lovely friends obliged and we had a fantastic time dancing the night away to some awesome 80’s tunes with DJ Dazue spinning it up.  One of the major crowd pleasers was A Tribe Called Quest’s “Can I kick it?” And now I sing to myself, with the confidence of a 30 year old mom “Yes you can!!!”

 

                                                                     {DJ Dazue}

 

                           {We made a bunch of signs w/ 80's phrases to hang around the yard}

5/5/5 minute meals

I like good food, and I like to cook good food. The first statement has been true since...always. The second statement only started becoming true when I was 24. Coincidentally, that was the year I got married and received every kitchen appliance known to mankind as wedding presents- thank you Bed Bath and Beyond registry! I became the Ina Garten of new brides. I cooked nightly meals for my love and me.  I tried new recipes constantly and had my brother the incredible Chef Yos on speed-dial for all my culinary questions. He taught me how to make the best seared tuna and that everything gets sprinkled with salt and pepper, “it brings out all the flavors” -- who knew?!  I still love to cook but it’s a little harder these days with a 14 week old.  Every time I seem to want to cook something, Murphy(‘s law) starts crying. [My husband and I were seriously contemplating naming him Murphy when he was born 10 days late, on the 1 day we had 4 prior engagements!] I would hold him in the bjorn and chop b/c I do love a sauteed onion, but if my eyes burn every time I cut one up, I’m assuming it’s a no-go for Kol. Still, I refuse to eat frozen pizza and Morning Star Grillers every night.

As the mother of a 14 week old I realize two things. One, it needs to take me less than 30 minutes to prepare a meal and two, I may have to cook my meal throughout the day. So I have created the 5 minute and 5 minute and 5 minute meal(s). I prepped each dish separately during each of Kol’s naps. Though I made the meal throughout the day and we did not eat it until the evening, it was fresh, fast and delicious!
----
Salad: 5 min
Throw handful of packaged ready washed greens into bowl (romaine, butter, spring mix or any lettuce of your choice)
Cut up cucumber(s), cut up pepper(s), throw in a handful of cherry tomatoes, throw in a handful of kalamata olives.

Potatoes: 5 min
Turn on oven to 400 degrees. Wash fingerling potatoes and cut them in half. Spray pan, put potatoes in the pan. Sprinkle olive oil, salt, pepper, garlic powder and rosemary on top of the potatoes. Mix it up. Put potatoes into oven to roast. Don’t forget to turn on your timer for 35 minutes ( I would never remember to take anything out of the oven if not for my phone timer)

Salmon: 5 min
Take salmon out of package, lay on silver foil covered baking sheet. Squeeze one lemon over the fish, drizzle some extra virgin olive oil, sprinkle Lawry’s seasoned salt. Put in the oven for 20 minutes on 350 degrees (if you want to cook the potatoes and fish together, keep the temp on 350 and just check for when the potatoes start to brown, they may need a couple extra minutes)

After the baby is asleep and you are ready to eat, toss the salad with a drizzle of e.v.o.o, a squeeze of lemon juice and a sprinkle of salt and pepper --always, ala Chef Yos!

Shave some parmesan over the fingerling potatoes or if you have the bottled kind, sprinkle away.
Pour yourself a glass of wine or sparkling water in your best wine glass and Enjoy!

[written during week 14]

iHeart...

I am a very lucky girl! I am lucky for many reasons, but one reason specifically is that I have a friend who is a beauty PR girl. For those of you who understand what this means, you're probably fighting the jealous feelings that are rising up from your perfectly manicured toes.  For those of you who are still unsure, what this means is that I get to try out many products from my friend's work/beauty closet.  This closet is more like a floor full of racks and racks of products; from make-up to skin cream and beyond.  As part of my gift for my 30th birthday, I received a box, an enormous box, of beauty products.  I will be trying them all and posting my thoughts in this section I am calling "iHeart..." (a.k.a. i <3)

  I am starting with the bath products that make my shower (which I still feel is my ultimate spa break of the day) divine.

Thymes agave Nectar body wash - I love the way this wash lathers so gently. When I get out of the shower there is the faintest of sweet smells that seems to linger on my body without overpowering my natural scent. Another major plus is that this wash is so gentle it does not irritate my oh so sensitive skin!

Thymes agave Nectar body lotion - This not too heavy moisturizer is the perfect hydrating lotion to use upon exiting the shower. The consistency is strong enough to really hydrate your skin but not too heavy that you feel greasy.  It is the perfect summer body moisturizer. And on those days that you can't seem to make it into the shower, lather some of this lotion on your body and you will smell refreshed. (No one has to know, right?!)

Lastly, Thymes agave Nectar hand cream  is superb if you are looking for a good hand cream that keeps your very busy digits soft.  I am constantly washing my hands. I go between playing with make-up products to changing dirty diapers. This moisturizer has the number one feature I am always looking for in a hand cream, it absorbs into the skin super fast. By the time I am heading out of the bathroom and into my busy day, my hands are nice and soft without a trace of residue on them.


     The price point for these products are around $15-$20 on Amazon. Let's not overlook how  beautiful they are packaged (they look very elegant on my bathroom sink/counter!) These are truly a lovely summer treat to give to  yourself or to a friend who can use a little pick-me-up.