Sunday, April 22, 2012

Running in circles

     Being a New Mother is so Hard! No one talks about it. I have 11 siblings, 34 nieces and nephews and somehow I missed the memo on how difficult newborns are. I am 7 weeks and 5 days into motherhood and I am just grasping at reality. My baby is sleeping right now but, how long will it last? It could be 20 minutes or 2 hours, I have no idea. There is no rhyme or reason yet, and They say this is normal. So I circles! Should I nap? I really need the rest. Should I go out and take a nice walk by myself? It really clears my head and the exercise and time outside without the baby is so healthy. I’ve been meaning to finish the Thank You notes for all the wonderful gifts we got, our friends and family really deserve the Thank yous! I also want to return all the maternity clothes that my wonderful girlfriends and sisters lent me for the last 9 months. Which means I have to go through my closets and drawers and pull everything out, refold it and put it all in bags. These ladies have been so generous though, I only ended up buying one dress during my pregnancy and it was not even maternity. It was a maxi dress from Old Navy on sale for $12 and it covered my could i resist. So the least I could do is get their clothes back to them before my child is 1. So you see my dilemma. Shit!
(I really don’t need to curse right here, but cursing feels good. Shit, Fuck...ahhh I feel a little better.)   So in circles I go every time he sleeps. Oh yes...and what about that shower I seem to never get a chance to take? I could use that right about now and when I do get my chance, it is just utter heaven.
     In circles I go, yet I am sitting here by the computer writing this because I feel that with all those things I would love to do, what I need to do more is share with the mothers-to-be in this world what life is like after your cute bump disappears. You are left with a baby who one day may curse you - as I have cursed my mother, and one day may ignore you - as I have ignored my mother, and one day rebel against what you hold dear - as I have done with my mother. And yet, the other part of the memo that I did not receive before I gave birth (or as my sister Hindel and friend Sara tell me, they sent it out loud and clear but I was not listening) is that it gets better.  And it did. At 6 weeks, he started smiling and cooing at us, giving us something back. Now, when he’s not crying, eating, pooping or crying, pooping, or eating, he’s cooing and smiling at us and that is close enough to making the exhaustion, and hormones, and not getting a moment to talk with my husband, and getting frustrated at my husband cuz he can’t make the baby stop crying, and not being able to get out of the house, and not being able to get dressed, and having some serious baby blues, and crying while I’m nursing my child, and and and for that moment in time, when he smiles right at me, it makes it all worth it.
     So here’s the Memo, loud and clear;  being a new mother is ridiculously hard.  Almost everyone gets baby blues/ post-partum and it’s ok and it is even more ok to take medicine. You will cry a lot even onto your sweet child as he feeds from your breasts. Also, you may cry in the shower or when you wake up for the bazillionth time in the middle of the night.  This is totally normal!  All those super-moms out there just seem like super-moms but they are crying just as much as you and I are. And then, just as you are about to throw yourself out the window, the soul that you created smiles at you and you know somewhere deep down that it will get just have to ride the waves and hope that the stormy patches pass quickly.
     He’s still sleeping...I’m going with organizing maternity clothes to return to my incredible ladies..even though I know I should really nap!


  1. Dear Sister Aura,
    This is honest, smart, funny, and you make me proud! Love you, and thanks for picking a cute picture of me.
    Your sister Rik #4 :)

  2. Aura-
    love your blog, I'm so energized by your bravery. Often i wish someone told me that its normative to feel anxiety, fear, pain, emotional exhaustion ,overload ,and i- want -to- scream - in -the -shower, transitions are difficult and reorganizing self concept is can be painful. To me your blog reads - its okay to cry about the beauty in your life; a much welcomed permission.

    your soon to be fam member #67

  3. LOL!
    I always thought that as the oldest of 12 children I would know what it would be like to have a child...but after reading your blog I'm rethinking that...but then again i also don't really know the joys of being a mom either as you so beautifully described! ...guess I'll just have to wait and see....
    Keep writing SUPER MOM!! :)

  4. Big Belated Mazal Tov Aura!!! It does get better ;)!!
    Sara T

  5. Love love love it!!! Great read and so glad that you are doing this. Having babies is hard enough on its own without us having to compare ourselves to other moms who seem to "really have their shit together". I like what Elisheva wrote (don't know you yet, but hi!) transitions are hard and we should celebrate their difficulties instead of constantly having to put on a happy face. Yet as you said- that one smile makes it all worth it! Well done, love you! Sara

  6. And here I was AMAZED how calm, well rested and blissful you seemed. Go figure!

  7. My dearest fashionable sister,
    You are fabulous!
    I love you/this blog.

  8. LOVE you and this blog! Can't wait to read more.. Big kisses to baby Moshe Kol.

  9. p.s. the pictures are exactly how i remember and think of all of you!

  10. Darling aura. Ur the best! If it were my maternity clothes I demand u sit your tush on the couch! I'm sure your generous friends agree. I wish I could b there to relieve you for a few hours. Miss you...

  11. so freakin true...i tell all my pregnant friends the TRUTH...usually no one wants to hear it though :) - I know I wish someone had told it to me straight.

    Also I don't believe in Post Partum Depression. It makes it sound like there is something pathologically wrong with you for feeling exhausted, frustrated, alone, under-slept, overwhelmed, overworked and definitely understaffed in a perfectly normal situation where you should 100% feel exactly that way and much much more. Crying, breaking down and not understanding how the heck you got here or how you keep moving ahead is how you should feel given the circumstances...It's not's just PP reality.

    1. Yael I like the way you look at Post Partum. I think I may be adopting this mentality!

  12. For the record - I always vote SLEEP! (or pedicure or run). love the blog's name
    -Atara Segal

  13. Being a New mother is hard, and when they tell you the younger they are the smaller the issues the older they are the harder, we mom's can't believe it...

    So, enjoy every minute and try to treasure them, and know that we all make mistakes, and have to move through them, support each other girlfriends, and know you are not alone..
    talk through the waves with your girlfriends, and like labor pains know that soon something good will make you happy...and smile..
    take moments to just take care of yourself, and enjoy your children when you can...

    Great blog! wish we had it when I was a new mom:)

  14. Hey Aura,

    Love the idea of your blog and I absolutely love the honesty of your words. When your pregnant even though you get all the pearls of wisdom from every f'''in person you meet, i think it basically goes in and out of your ears until that day (hopefully not days) that your baby is born. That is your first day of motherhood and is the beginning of a long journey with good and bad days and sometimes amazing days.

    And, for those perfect smiling, wonderful smelling, have it together moms of newborns, I don't believe it for one second! First few months are tough but of course worth all the crying and lack of sleep!

    Keem them coming!


    p.s. love the pics!

  15. Aura dear, it DOES get better...I promise!

    And don't be J of anyone who looks like they have their shit together....most likely they didn't give their maternity clothes back yet!

    When I was a new mom I used to look at my screaming 3 week old and think that mom's who don't know what colic is must be so lucky! But I learned that there's no such thing as easy parenting - every child will have their stages of difficulties at individual times and you just celebrate your child for who they are and all the good things that come along with the poop and spit up.

    Sending hugs from NY!

    Love, the other half of #8

  16. Thank you everyone for the love and support! I really appreciate it!

  17. Hi Aura, that's such a cute picture of you as a kid! and I love the picture of you as a mom with your baby. You write beautifully.
    all the best,
    your former classmate,

  18. Ahhh the shower....

    (Keep writing, it's therapeutic!)

    Hugs, Goldie

  19. nursing is one of the hardest things i have EVER done in my life. it is also one of the things i am most proud of. at 7 months in, i can only share in your sentiment that motherhood is the most epic experience of my life. i'm humbled and grateful and amazed and exhausted every day. love you aura - beautiful post.

  20. Love your blog, your honesty, and you;) Motherhood is definitely the most challenging, yet most fulfilling jobs ever! There is no harder, better job than being a mom. Until one has their own, one can't fully understand or appreciate the challenges we go through. Just remember that feeling we get when our little ones stares into our eyes and smiles. That simple, tender smile that reassures us why it's all worth it. We should be proud of ourselves and give ourselves credit, for there is no harder job! Now moms, go out and grab a drink to celebrate- for we all deserve it:)

  21. Thanks for telling it like it is-- Motherhood is HARD. Thank God for baby smiles. . .