Running in circles

                                

     Being a New Mother is so Hard! No one talks about it. I have 11 siblings, 34 nieces and nephews and somehow I missed the memo on how difficult newborns are. I am 7 weeks and 5 days into motherhood and I am just grasping at reality. My baby is sleeping right now but, how long will it last? It could be 20 minutes or 2 hours, I have no idea. There is no rhyme or reason yet, and They say this is normal. So I run..in circles! Should I nap? I really need the rest. Should I go out and take a nice walk by myself? It really clears my head and the exercise and time outside without the baby is so healthy. I’ve been meaning to finish the Thank You notes for all the wonderful gifts we got, our friends and family really deserve the Thank yous! I also want to return all the maternity clothes that my wonderful girlfriends and sisters lent me for the last 9 months. Which means I have to go through my closets and drawers and pull everything out, refold it and put it all in bags. These ladies have been so generous though, I only ended up buying one dress during my pregnancy and it was not even maternity. It was a maxi dress from Old Navy on sale for $12 and it covered my bump..how could i resist. So the least I could do is get their clothes back to them before my child is 1. So you see my dilemma. Shit!
(I really don’t need to curse right here, but cursing feels good. Shit, Fuck...ahhh I feel a little better.)   So in circles I go every time he sleeps. Oh yes...and what about that shower I seem to never get a chance to take? I could use that right about now and when I do get my chance, it is just utter heaven.
   
     In circles I go, yet I am sitting here by the computer writing this because I feel that with all those things I would love to do, what I need to do more is share with the mothers-to-be in this world what life is like after your cute bump disappears. You are left with a baby who one day may curse you - as I have cursed my mother, and one day may ignore you - as I have ignored my mother, and one day rebel against what you hold dear - as I have done with my mother. And yet, the other part of the memo that I did not receive before I gave birth (or as my sister Hindel and friend Sara tell me, they sent it out loud and clear but I was not listening) is that it gets better.  And it did. At 6 weeks, he started smiling and cooing at us, giving us something back. Now, when he’s not crying, eating, pooping or crying, pooping, or eating, he’s cooing and smiling at us and that is close enough to making the exhaustion, and hormones, and not getting a moment to talk with my husband, and getting frustrated at my husband cuz he can’t make the baby stop crying, and not being able to get out of the house, and not being able to get dressed, and having some serious baby blues, and crying while I’m nursing my child, and and and for that moment in time, when he smiles right at me, it makes it all worth it.

     

     So here’s the Memo, loud and clear;  being a new mother is ridiculously hard.  Almost everyone gets baby blues/ post-partum and it’s ok and it is even more ok to take medicine. You will cry a lot even onto your sweet child as he feeds from your breasts. Also, you may cry in the shower or when you wake up for the bazillionth time in the middle of the night.  This is totally normal!  All those super-moms out there just seem like super-moms but they are crying just as much as you and I are. And then, just as you are about to throw yourself out the window, the soul that you created smiles at you and you know somewhere deep down that it will get better...you just have to ride the waves and hope that the stormy patches pass quickly.

  

     He’s still sleeping...I’m going with organizing maternity clothes to return to my incredible ladies..even though I know I should really nap!